remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
PANTIES FOUND
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
