Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
