My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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