As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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