Are we in a gay sports bar?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
