he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
