Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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