mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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