just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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