Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
