i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
