Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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