At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
