I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
