Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
