when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
