I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
