mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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