Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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