just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
