I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
