my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize