I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
