I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
