Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
