mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
