We won't sleep together?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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