hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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