I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize