Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
