meet me or not, i'm out of control
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
