I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i think my cat just said my name.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
