My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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