And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
