so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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