I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
