I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
