Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think people are normalizing furries
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
how does that bad decision feel?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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