My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
