We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
