yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
