im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
