I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
