And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
