I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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