Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
