Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
