He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
