umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
