i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
