Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
