The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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