I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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