You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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