P.S. I can't hear my feet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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