The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
