The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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