i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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