He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
