my mouth tastes like poor choices
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
