chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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