Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
