Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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