talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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