look no pants
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
