my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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